Christmas time is here!

Ahhhhhhh, Christmas. Yuletide to our European ancestors. Hanukkah to our Jewish ones. Kwanza to our African compatriots. Kicking Day to our Asian brethren. You see?! We CAN be kind! We're practically philanthropists. Oh, by the way, Steve Ferguson, yeah you, the one who used to make fun of our slip-on shoes and steal our homework in math, we heard that your wife left you for Greasy Gill (didn't he used to eat his dandruff in highschool?). Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Merry Christmas. In light of the holiday spirit lets talk about The Real Ebenezer Scrooge.

Thank you for the small-pox blankets!

Ah Thanksgiving. What better way to spend a Thursday than stuffing ourselves until we're on the verge of vomiting and passing out, mmmm, no wonder it's one of Infoexplosion's favorite holdiays! But it is also a time for self reflection. Sometime during our sixth helping of turkey we thought to ourselves, "None of this would have been possible without those helpful American Indians." Shortly after which we fell into a deep food coma. When we awoke we found that our good friend Raging Gull had eaten the last of the vegetable casserole and scalped our uncle Ted in a fire-water rage. To celebrate this great holiday let's talk about American Indian Fighting Styles.

Back on Track!

Ha! The website development is finally back up to full speed. Thanks largely in part to the large number of illegal immigrant laborers who are more than happy to work for a can of beans and $12 a week (standard pay for an Infoexplosion employee). It certainly won't be long now. In celebration of things being back up and running, we are going to throw you an easy one, Forgettable Train Robberies.

Oh sure! It's cute NOW...

We here at Infoexplosion are angry. Angry that man-eating, evil hellion, fire-breathing, acid blooded SUPER beasts can be sooo cute as babies. Who knew? The Beast that halted our site upgrade was none other than what we HAD thought was a baby chinchilla! We are not animalogists! How were we supposed to know?!?!? What bad has EVER come from bringing home a strange plant, object, or creature that mysteriously appears from unknown origins?!?!? When has Hollywood ever taught us that? We still maintain that it was NOT our fault! Come on! He was sooo friggin' cute! Now let's talk about Wolf-boy: facts and fiction.

No, it's not your Mother...

I'm sorry, but you are mistaken. This is, in fact, a beast. A horrible beast. It is the beast that has halted the production of our website. It has eaten all our minions. Every... single... one. Had we here at Infoexplosion know of the beast earlier we could have dealt with it. But now we have to pay out the nose to get a "grade A" monster killer in here and put an end to all this monkey business. There. Now you know. We are NOT lazy or TOO busy or WHATEVER! It was the monstrous beast the WHOLE TIME. Don't believe us? Why don't you come over and see for yourself! Ha! That's what we thought. See? Now STOP your whining and talk about Man-eating Alien Infestations.

Busy Bees

Yeah yeah, it's been a while. But we've been busy! So deal with IT! We can't sit around pampering you! "When's the website going to be done? When will you start posting regularly again? Why didn't you call us back? What's the animal tranquilizer for?" To put it plainly, quit your bitchin'! Infoexploison out! (Mic drop.)

STOP complaining!!

Of ALL the things that you could be complaining about, you're whining about the lag in posts on the INFOBLOG. Oh! What! What are we talking about? What other things! Try reading a NEWSPAPER! We here at INFOEXPLOSION are working our tails off (literally)! It is exhaustive work whipping computer programmers and designers so they work faster. And BEFORE you ask, yes, we tried playing "Stronger" be Kanye West on a continuous loop! They still refused to move at an acceptable pace! So, let's talk about Ridiculous Office Pranks. (We swear, if anyone writes something that happened on "The Office" we will find you and hit you in front of your mother.)

Dancing Hippos?

We are confused. Everyone knows that aardvarks, tigers, lobsters, and zebras can dance, but hippos? We here at INFOEXPLOSION feel as if this is not physically possible. It violates at least 7... no 8 natural laws. PLUS, it is widely known that hippos have NO rhythm. Infoexplosion strongly supports the arts, AND animal dancing, but within reason people! And so, this week let's talk about Animal Personality Traits.

Great Scot!!

Oh, how rumor abounds! And yet, it is NOT rumor!! INFOEXPLOSION is on the verge of a massive upgrade. Even as we speak, thousands of tiny computer programmers and designers are being driven to exhaustion in an effort to create the NEW and IMPROVED Infoexplosion. In light of the website face lift, this week's topic is Famous Sex Change Procedures.

Welcome to the Sunshine State!

That's right, you heard correctly! INFOEXPLOSION is moving to Tampa, Florida. Why you may ask? Well why the hell NOT we respond?!?!?!?!? Statistics show that we will be happier people (assuming we are actually "people" [cough] ) in the warmer climate. And a happy Infoexploder is a BETTER Infoexploder. Case C-L-O-S-E-D, closed! Any questions? Yes. You, the fat kid in the back...
To celebrate the move, this week's topic is Hilarious "eaten by aligator" stories!

This post isn't late! We were in the past preserving the future!

It all started when we went to check out what our old eccentric acquaintance, Doc Brown, was working on in his garage laboratory. It seems that the ol'Doc had stolen some uranium from a less than savory crowd, and we ended up in the 1950's. To make a long story short, we had to make sure our mother and father fell in love or we would have ceased to exist! BUT UNLIKE Michael J. Fox, we did NOT return to a vastly improved present, with a new truck, and a pussy version of Biff! F*cking Hollywood!! We feel lied to!! We here at INFOEXPLOSION demand truth in fiction!!! Join my fervor infoexplodees!! This week shed the truth on Hollywood Falsities.

Sandra Bullock is hot.

There is really not much else to say. She is aging like a fine wine, or liqueur. If you disagree you are wrong. And remember, Infoexplosion does not deal in opinion. As such, this week let's talk about Sexy Female Jockeys.

Don't worry about the gas prices...

So, first Chrysler and now GMC. We suppose that you can finally stop worrying about gas prices as the auto industry collapses and sends the world into post-apocalyptic pseudo-Mad Max existence, where you pay for each hard won drop of fuel, not with money, but with BLOOD! The currency of the future. (Enter blood bank pun here.) With that in mind, this week's topic is Famous Vehicles of the Future!

What the F*ck Matt Watson?!?!?

Seriously Matt Watson!!! Jumping from a helicopter and wrangling a marlin?!?!?!? Why the hell do you have to be so damn awesome?!? You make fishing look interesting!! Everyone knows that fishing was invented to mentally enslave the weak minded!! And then you go and make it extreme!! YOU'RE DESTROYING THE NATURAL ORDER MATT WATSON!!!!! On that note, this weeks topic is Extreme Fishing Techniques.

(Dynamite is NOT extreme. It's cliche unless you are Crocodile Dundee.)

Secret No Longer

We here at Infoexplosion make no claims of being masters of the terrestrial domain, but our benefactors do. We have been ordered (in a general decree) to unveil the existence of the ancient, mighty, and all-knowing ERROR. Their motives are secret, their methods are mysterious, their influence is inescapable. That is all we have been allowed to say. "Opposition to truth is ERROR."

That being said this week's topic is Ancient Secret Societies. (Speak not of ERROR, or face the terror.)

Can you feel the SUN?!?!?

Ahh, summer is rapidly approaching. Birds are singing and pregnant like disgraced pop stars, bees are buzzing like gay beauty contest judges, and the crime rates are going up with the temperature. It's the time of year when sucking doesn't suck so much. In anticipation of summer let's talk about the top ten high school summer drama stories!

Jumping Jehovah's Witnesses!!

What the hell is going on with the world?!?!? I mean we here at Infoexplosion are 100% for the right of free speech, but we are also not beyond admitting the possible benefits of a media controlling tyrant! It is a sure way to prevent the large percentage of idiots alive (and well) in the world from yelling and griping about things they don't know a damn thing about! So it seems strangely ironic that such a display of mental ineptitude is happening at a so called institute of higher learning. We are not going to name names, but we'll just say that it's going down in South Bend, IN and it involves a president of a certain country consisting of 50 states. But we digress, this week let's talk about ridiculous religious rituals.

The chickens are coming home...

That's right! Read the blog's title; vaguely meaningful, yet strangely stupid. And still they are coming! Coming to roost! What does it all mean?!?!? Oh ho! Just wait and see. It will all become clear in the coming days, months, and years. So to pass the time why don't we talk about unfortunate time traveling events.

Laziness does not become you.

We just cannot continue to argue with you! We're done! No more! So let's get on with it, you lazy do-nothingers! Now get off your linguistic rears and EXPLODE SOME FRIGGIN' INFO!!!!!
And while you are doing it, tell us a little about famous robot ninjas.

Infoexplosion?!?!? More like infopop!

Come on people!! Are we currently in the Chinese year of the sloth? Do you think it is easy being the most trusted source of infoexplosions in this sector of the Milky Way?!?!? Start pulling your weight infoexplodees! Or so help me I will call all of your mothers!! Speaking of mothers, this week's infotopic is Mythic Mothers.

Ahh spring...

Oh the time of the year when those of us who must endure a harsh winter can finally relax in temperatures that now regularly reach above the freezing point of water. It brings excitement and surprise! Like finding all the lost trash that had been tastefully covered with a serene blanket of pristine white snow. As such, this weeks topic is Spring Festivities.

This week...

After the huge response we received on last week's topic, we have decided to keep in the same vein.
So, this week the topic is Earthen Troll Characteristics.

Keep that ball rolling!

Ok Infoexplodees, we need to move from Smallville to Metropolis! As a result, Infoexplosion is promoting a year long event, "Infoexplode a friend!"
That's right, 2009 is the year of telling everyone you know or meet that they need to be Infoexploded! Don't leave us hanging people!

Starting it up.

Just to get the ball rolling, next week's main info topic is:
WORLD GEOGRAPHY.

A new era of infoexplosion

Prepare the parade! Because infoexplosion is moving to the streets! Now everyone has a chance to add to the growing mushroom cloud of info that has exploded!